Translated from Utsudo’s original Chinese column.

Are introverts suited to being writers?Utsudo is naturally introverted and shy, and chose freelancing and writing to reduce interaction with people — never expecting she’d still have to deal with editors, readers, talks and livestreams. As contact increased, she developed a warm, lively “social mode,” but it drains a lot of mental energy, and afterward she needs time alone to recharge.

My shy, introverted school days

　　While chatting with a new friend, when I told them I’m actually very introverted, they didn’t believe it at all.

　　Frankly, in my student days (before university), I was the type who wished I could blend into the background, yet strangely always got noticed by teachers or classmates. Being noticed like that only made me want to hide more. Basically, except with people I was close to, I was pretty quiet.

　　After my second year of university, being obsessed with writing, I madeblending into the background my life’s motto. Apart from invitations from really close friends, I almost never joined social activities on my own, spending all my time bonding with my computer (?) and becoming a proper homebody.

　　But in my third year of university, I encountered the malice of people’s hearts for the first time. It’s no exaggeration to say university is a microcosm of society. I suddenly felt getting along with people was really difficult and frightening. To avoid being hurt, I kept even more distance from others, and my social circle shrank to only people I’d long known.

　　Most of my friends are people I’ve known for a very long time. Not many, but all trustworthy friends with deep bonds. I knew hiding in the corner like this wasn’t a solution, but back then I wished I could go live as a hermit in the mountains —that’s how fragile I was XD

　　That’s right — deep down I’m timid and shy, and a perfectionist too. Whatever I do takes a long time to prepare (especially mental preparation).

I thought freelancing meant no socializing

　　Later, after graduating from university,I chose, without hesitation, work that let me minimize contact with people and needed no coworkers — freelancing(writing, translation and so on), though at my hardest times I did take part-time jobs.

　　Back then I naively thought that as a freelancer, I could happily hide behind my computer without dealing with anyone.

　　Who knew — these jobs spared me from coworkers, but I still had to contact employers, editors and others. That wasn’t so bad, but later I also had to face readers and fans, because of talks, meet-and-greets, managing social media, filming videos, livestreaming and more.

Developing a social mode

　　Frankly, these social activities are all big challenges for me. Every time I need plenty of prep time. But as contact became more frequent, I found my immunity to social anxiety (?) gradually building up, and another ability awakened — when facing people, I automatically switch into “social mode」。

　　In this mode I become warm and lively with very high EQ. Whatever tactless things happen, I can laugh them off. Though I usually feel down for a while afterward, I don’t really show it in the moment, and my resistance to trolls is gradually rising too.

　　But this mode drains a huge amount of my mental energy, like my HP dropping in a straight line. So basically after this mode I want to be quiet and alone for a good while to restore HP, and I become unusually silent.

　　I love connecting with everyone and sharing things together, but most of the time I still want to be alone to properly digest those emotions and memories, sort out my thoughts and plan my writing. Sometimes I suddenly disappear from social media — friends, don’t worry too much, I’ll still reply to work normally XD

From nervous to enjoying livestreams

　　When I first started livestreaming, I was nervous every day — even anxious before bed, hurting my sleep. Now I’ve gradually adapted. Compared with the beginning, the anxiety has faded, and I’ve gained quite a few lovely viewers.

　　From the nerves of going live to seeing greetings from these familiar names, I instantly feel at ease. I used to think streaming alone was scary, but luckily you’re always there with me, helping me overcome difficulties again and again and gradually grow Q///Q

　　But please accept the fact that my noobiness could wrap around the solar systemfive hundred times— I look forward to your continued support >w</

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FAQ

Further reading (in Chinese)

• Previous: #87 (in Chinese)
• Next: #89 (in Chinese)
• Start from the beginning: #01 — Utsudo’s debut
• Column introduction
• Utsudo’s books

About the author

Utsudo is a Taiwanese light novelist and novelist VTuber with more than ten years in the industry and 40 commercially published print books. Her novel 《遺失的情書》 received a 2022 Ministry of Culture youth creative award. The 《嘿！聽說妳在鬼島當作家》 series records her experiences as a novelist in Taiwan.