Why does genuine friendship become more precious after you enter the working world? Utsudo once saw relationships as black or white, but as an adult she found that the grown-up world is full of relationships somewhere between friendly and cold—people wear masks and keep the peace on the surface to protect themselves. Precisely because there’s so much surface-level politeness, genuine goodwill is especially precious. It’s hard to make close friends at work, so treasure friends who get you and whom you can trust.

Translated from Utsudo’s original Chinese column.

I used to think bonds were black or white

I used to feel that the bonds between people were sacred and ever-changing.

You might be close with someone today, but a few days later a quarrel could send you your separate ways. When you’re close, you’re very close; once you break, you never speak again.

Such a sharp either/or view kept me constantly on edge.

The gray areas of the adult world

But as I grew up, I found the world isn’t black or white as I imagined. More often, things wander along the line between them—bonds between people included.

I used to think relationships had only two extremes: friendly or cold. Now I see many relationships fall somewhere in between, including feigned friendliness, feigned coldness, or temporary friendliness. Simply put, we may meet people we “have to be friendly to,” such as coworkers, bosses or people with whom we share some interest.

Even if you don’t like someone, because you may meet again, you keep up a friendly surface. I think the other person feels the same.

I used to think people who put on a friendly face while disliking someone were fake. Later I learned that this is adults’ basic survival rule: don’t reveal too many true feelings, or your survival in the real world may be at risk.

As long as you don’t become enemies, you can at least maintain some relationship. It’s one way adults protect themselves.

Keeping up appearances at work

Workplace circles may be big or small, but even in big ones you’re bound to cross paths. So even if you have complaints about someone, you can’t say them openly—who knows when you’ll meet again? It could get awkward. And if you casually show hostility toward someone, people around you will naturally grow wary of you, thinking you might badmouth them elsewhere too.

Worse, they might tell others you dislike someone, turning it into after-dinner gossip.

Since no one wants to put themselves in danger, everyone gets used to wearing masks, pretending boundless friendliness and goodwill to keep the peace on the surface.

Genuine friendship is most precious

In the adult world, precisely because there’s so much surface politeness, bonds that carry genuine goodwill are especially precious.

Only after entering society did I realize that apart from friends made in school, it’s really hard to make close friends at work. Most bonds are tied to some interest. Even if you hope to befriend someone, they may not feel the same, and keeping up a friendly surface for work’s sake becomes a somewhat forced, awkward relationship.

Back in private life, you don’t need many friends, but you must hold on to genuine friendships. Friends who get you and whom you can trust are rare—treasures for life.

No wonder people say true friends are made in school. Back then we hadn’t been poisoned by society yet; we came together because we genuinely liked each other.

How long has it been since you contacted your old friends? Say hello over the holidays and rebuild that precious bridge of friendship!

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Further reading

• Previous: Hey! I Heard You’re a Writer on Ghost Island #173: My First Time Running a Convention Booth!
• Start from the beginning: Hey! I Heard You’re a Writer on Ghost Island #01: Utsudo’s Debut — A Road to the Dream Covered in Frost
• Utsudo’s books

About the author

Utsudo is a Taiwanese light novelist and novelist VTuber with more than ten years in the industry and 40 commercially published print books. Her novel 《遺失的情書》 received a 2022 Ministry of Culture youth creative award. The 《嘿！聽說妳在鬼島當作家》 series records her experiences as a novelist in Taiwan.