Translated from Utsudo’s original Chinese column.

How do writers view their own achievements?Her high school principal invited Utsudo to the school anniversary as a distinguished alumna, which left her flattered. She says she simply writes what she wants, stubbornly, and once abandoned many works in her rush to win an editor’s approval. One of her dreams is for all of her works to be published.

The day I was called a distinguished alumna

　　I used to shut myself away, wanting only to create. But when I happened to meet people in the industry, or met readers through talks, I found in their eyesthe light I once longed to find in the eyes of my friends and family。

　　Once, when I visited my high school principal, he said: “In two years our school celebrates its 80th anniversary, and we’ll invite you, a distinguished alumna, to join us.”

　　When I heard it, I froze for a moment, a little flattered.

　　— So without realizing it, have I become someone worthy of praise?

Stubbornly writing what I want to write

　　All along, I’ve just been stubbornly chasing my dream. I know publishers choose books according to trends, but I still stubbornly write what I want — though I do add commercial elements. Whether it gets accepted matters, but it’s not my only consideration. After all, a work is an author’s lifelong asset; if you plan to cultivate it long-term, it doesn’t really matter if it isn’t taken in right away.

　　Even if a publisher doesn’t recognize it, the work kept me company for a while. In it I can even see traces of my thoughts, struggles or memorable moments at the time — perhaps fragments of my life. For me, it’s another way of recording life.

　　Actually, I’m very stubborn. I only write what I want to write and just want to finish my works — but I also hope they’ll be recognized by publishers or people online.

　　I used to eagerly count how many works I’d finished each time I completed one, pleased with myself as the number grew. But at some point I gradually stopped counting, because it didn’t mean much.

The works I once abandoned

　　It seems it started after that year when I wrote first volumes and settings for many works in total darkness, only to throw them away in my rush to win an editor’s approval, abandoning many works… Back then, to prove my ability, I endured whatever harsh things that editor said.

　　The works I discarded also symbolize a part of myself I discarded… I still don’t have the courage to open them, but I hope that one day, when I have the courage to face them and stand more firmly than I do now, I can complete those abandoned parts of myself one by one.

　　One of my dreams is for all my works to be published — but that’s no easy feat (unless I post them online myself, but that’s not the same).

Distinguished? I’m just a stubborn child

　　Distinguished?

　　Actually, I don’t think so. I’m just a stubborn child.

　　I’m grateful to my family for supporting my stubborn dream, to the readers willing to follow me, and to the editors and benefactors who recognize me. Thank you for letting me keep creating.

　　I love my works, and I like myself for always having a goal to chase.

　　Whether I’m distinguished or not, I don’t know — in the end I’m just a nobody. There are plenty of people more talented and hardworking than me, and I believe that if I slack off even a little, I’ll quickly be swallowed by newer talent. It’s always too early to be complacent.

　　But if someone recognizes me and my work as they are, I feel truly honored. For that, I want to work even harder,to become someone who can walk tall and proudly say she’s a writer。

　　Then I discovered that Minister Lung Ying-tai is an alumna of my high school and also lives in Chaozhou XDDDD

　　That made me kind of happy >w<

FAQ

Further reading (in Chinese)

• Previous: #67 (in Chinese)
• Next: #69 (in Chinese)
• Start from the beginning: #01 — Utsudo’s debut
• Column introduction
• Utsudo’s books

About the author

Utsudo is a Taiwanese light novelist and novelist VTuber with more than ten years in the industry and 40 commercially published print books. Her novel 《遺失的情書》 received a 2022 Ministry of Culture youth creative award. The 《嘿！聽說妳在鬼島當作家》 series records her experiences as a novelist in Taiwan.