How can you avoid the regret of never getting to say goodbye to someone important? Because of the pandemic, Utsudo kept postponing a visit with her editor, only to learn he had passed away—something she still hasn’t made peace with. So when an elderly friend fell ill and said he “might not have much time left,” she was determined to visit no matter what; thankfully he was in fairly good spirits. Her lesson: we only live once, so rather than live with regret, care for the important people around you now. A short hello may be enough to rekindle a connection.

Translated from Utsudo’s original Chinese column.

A farewell I haven’t made peace with

I mentioned before that an editor I was very close to had passed away.

I still haven’t made peace with it.

Recently, with the weather changing a lot, many friends and relatives around me have fallen ill, including an elderly friend of mine. When I messaged to check on him, he said he “might not have much time left on this earth.” Hearing that, I immediately said I’d come visit.

A meeting delayed by the pandemic

Why was I so worried? Because it reminded me that last year, due to the pandemic, I kept postponing meeting the editor who passed away. The first time we arranged to meet was last May. He said he could see me, but because of the pandemic I had to cancel at the last minute. The next time was around July or August. Then at the end of the year I asked if he was free to meet, but never heard back.

At the time I wondered if I’d done something wrong for him not to reply. I still sent New Year’s greetings, but there was no response. Only this February did I learn that he had passed away. Toward the end he could barely type, which explains why my messages were read but never answered.

During those days of planned meetings delayed by the pandemic, I felt uneasy, because whenever we were in touch, I heard his condition was getting worse—first needing a cane to walk, then hospitalization. Each time we arranged to meet, I had a premonition that it might be the last time. I never expected it to come true.

I really regret it. If I’d known the pandemic would later become like the flu, I should have rushed to Taipei in May no matter what. But the regret is done, and no amount of remorse can change it.

This time, I’d see him no matter what

So this time, when my elderly friend said he “might not have much time left,” my heart clenched. He’s already in his seventies, so I thought: no matter what, I have to see him.

Luckily, when I saw him, although he still had a slight cough, he seemed in fairly good spirits overall, which was a huge relief.

He said that while he was sick and miserable, his thoughts were quite negative, and he apologized for worrying everyone. I understand those feelings—when your body isn’t well, staying positive and optimistic really isn’t easy.

Besides, he’s quite elderly and has the “three highs” and various chronic conditions, so if something suddenly happened, it wouldn’t be entirely unexpected.

But luckily, all my worries were unfounded.

Cherish the important people around you

We only live once. Good or bad, everything passes. If you can be that open-minded, that’s fine too. But reducing regret by caring more for the important people around you is essential.

We only live once—whether it’s dreams or important people, I don’t want to miss out.

Is there a friend or relative you haven’t contacted in a long time, or stopped talking to because of a misunderstanding? If you’re willing, maybe a short hello can bring you together again.

We can’t touch the future or see the past; the only thing we can hold is each present moment.

Unfortunately, there are always so many things on our to-do lists, yet we only ever have twenty-four hours, and many precious things are missed forever in the blink of an eye. Amid such urgent “choices,” can we choose what matters most to us?

The river of time never turns back and will carry us far away.

I only hope that when that time comes, the people and things I cherish most are by my side. That would be enough.

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Further reading

• Previous: Hey! I Heard You’re a Writer on Ghost Island #194: On Making a Living from Fiction
• Start from the beginning: Hey! I Heard You’re a Writer on Ghost Island #01: Utsudo’s Debut — A Road to the Dream Covered in Frost
• Utsudo’s books

About the author

Utsudo is a Taiwanese light novelist and novelist VTuber with more than ten years in the industry and 40 commercially published print books. Her novel 《遺失的情書》 received a 2022 Ministry of Culture youth creative award. The 《嘿！聽說妳在鬼島當作家》 series records her experiences as a novelist in Taiwan.