Why do we need personal principles? Utsudo used to see the world in black and white, but later realized people have countless facets and gradually learned empathy and tolerance. Tolerance doesn’t mean having no bottom line, though: a good person without principles becomes a pushover who gets exploited. Personal principles are the foundation that keeps you from getting lost in a gray world. When someone crosses that line, make sure you hold it.

Translated from Utsudo’s original Chinese column.

From black and white to understanding gray areas

I used to believe the world was black or white—every person and thing had to stand on one side, with no middle ground. With that mindset, I judged things quite harshly.

For example, if someone close to me made a mistake, I might withdraw all my goodwill, even label them as “bad,” and never contact them again.

But as I saw more of life, I came to understand that when people face many situations, other factors inevitably affect their behavior. Sometimes those factors come from helplessness or all kinds of hardship. Judging right and wrong by reason alone becomes very cruel and unfeeling.

Since people have countless facets, how can we judge the person in front of us by a single standard—or deny their entire worth over one reason or one mistake?

Tolerance makes people gentle

Once I understood this, I became better at putting myself in others’ shoes and viewing people and things with a softer, more tolerant heart. After shedding my sharp shell, I felt the people around me change too, creating a positive cycle.

When there’s more understanding and tolerance between people, they naturally become gentler.

But this change in mindset doesn’t happen overnight. It comes from gradually trying to understand and empathize—what we call “growing up.”

Then how do we judge right from wrong?

But during this transformation, we usually face a new confusion: since people and things have so many facets, how do we decide who’s right and who’s wrong? Everyone’s standards are different!

That’s when you need what we call “personal principles.”

Personal principles: even good people need boundaries

A good person without boundaries becomes a “pushover” who gets exploited by everyone while working harder and harder. So no matter how easygoing you are, you should set a final line of defense. Don’t do whatever people tell you or believe whatever they want you to believe. You need “principles” to keep your sense of self.

These “principles” are the foundation that keeps you from getting lost in this gray world, and they’ll go on to shape your whole life.

Up to that line, you can be a good person. But when someone crosses it, make sure you hold your “principles” and let no one trample them. They are your dignity, the thing that forms your character. Hold on to them, and you’ll earn people’s respect.

This post is a bit abstract, but if someone understands and is moved by it, it will have been worth it XD

FAQ

Further reading

• Previous: Hey! I Heard You’re a Writer on Ghost Island #147: A Novelist Researching at Court Looks Suspicious?
• Start from the beginning: Hey! I Heard You’re a Writer on Ghost Island #01: Utsudo’s Debut — A Road to the Dream Covered in Frost
• Utsudo’s books

About the author

Utsudo is a Taiwanese light novelist and novelist VTuber with more than ten years in the industry and 40 commercially published print books. Her novel 《遺失的情書》 received a 2022 Ministry of Culture youth creative award. The 《嘿！聽說妳在鬼島當作家》 series records her experiences as a novelist in Taiwan.