What is writing as healing—can creating really heal you? Yes. A work is like a mirror that reflects the creator’s inner world; fulfilling wishes or making up for regrets in a world of your own creation is a form of healing. Utsudo lost her mother to illness when she was seventeen and poured that grief into her first long novel, 《絕命拍檔》. She also reminds us that creating can release pain without having to turn toward revenge—you can still forge your own path toward the light.

Translated from Utsudo’s original Chinese column.

A story I encountered during a critique livestream

This happened during one of my critique livestreams.

An author from Hong Kong submitted a short story to the critique event. Because livestream time was limited, I couldn’t finish reading it, but from the part we analyzed, I could fully sense the author’s helplessness and anger toward reality.

The author wanted to make real-world hopes that are hard to achieve come true in a fictional world. Because of that, some scenes in the plot were extremely brutal, and at the time I didn’t know how to react.

Writing as healing: your work mirrors your heart

A work is like a mirror that reflects the creator’s inner world. Writing is also a way to heal. In psychology, there’s a method where you first write down your situation and experiences in the first person, then from a second-person perspective, and finally in the third person.

As the perspective pulls back, the event feels more and more distant—which is also why first-person stories more easily draw readers in.

I’m getting off track. In short, wanting to fulfill wishes, make up for regrets, or even right wrongs in a world you’ve created is completely normal for emotional, imaginative creators. I do it too.

Stories I wrote to encourage myself

When I was lost on this creative path, I wrote 《我的室友是阿飄》 to encourage myself. I wrote 《守護天使全年無休》 for a friend who always felt unlucky and sank into negativity, and 《灰姑娘的玻璃舞鞋》, 《帶刺薔薇》 and 《戀愛心理學》 for friends hurt in love.

《絕命拍檔》: a story in memory of my mother

Honestly, the characters in my first long novel, 《絕命拍檔》, are the closest to my real personality. Maybe because it was my first long work, I naturally put so much of myself into it. Looking back now, the technique seems clumsy, but it reminds me of who I used to be.

It’s the story of a lonely protagonist who meets a hopeless teammate and roams around with him. The protagonist gradually opens his heart, forms bonds with others, meets the possible heroine—a girl who resembles his mother when she was young—and unravels the conspiracy behind it all.

Yes, it was actually written in memory of my mother.

I was only seventeen when my mother passed away from illness.

It was the first time I, born into a happy family, faced life’s impermanence. I firmly believed she would recover, even though the tumor had spread and was over ten centimeters. Naive and ignorant, I was optimistic about everything—until the day my dying mother was brought home, and I suddenly understood that my devout daily prayers had been useless.

Like the villain of 《絕命拍檔》, once so devout yet finally becoming a fallen angel—I wrote all that hatred into the story.

Forging a path toward the light

In reality, we’re just ordinary humans.

We get hurt and betrayed; we feel hatred, regret, greed and jealousy, and feel powerless.

I can’t dissolve your sorrow or do anything for you. All I can do is wish that your days ahead go more smoothly, and that you come closer to the future you long for.

But I hope it won’t be through revenge, like the protagonist of your story.

Even if God didn’t reach out to help us, it doesn’t mean we must sink into grief and anger, nor that we can’t forge a new path toward the light with our own strength.

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Further reading

• Previous: Hey! I Heard You’re a Writer on Ghost Island #136: Huoshao Island, Full of Stories
• Start from the beginning: Hey! I Heard You’re a Writer on Ghost Island #01: Utsudo’s Debut — A Road to the Dream Covered in Frost
• Utsudo’s books

About the author

Utsudo is a Taiwanese light novelist and novelist VTuber with more than ten years in the industry and 40 commercially published print books. Her novel 《遺失的情書》 received a 2022 Ministry of Culture youth creative award. The 《嘿！聽說妳在鬼島當作家》 series records her experiences as a novelist in Taiwan.